Geek couple
Financial geeks can really take the heart and soul out of romance. Under the gaze of microanalysis what makes one’s heart flutter becomes as soul-quenching as wet cardboard (or Coke C2, same thing). Behold, Drinky McDiligence:

In reality, love is exactly like a hedge fund. Love is a limited partnership structure (LP), it takes a large initial investment, and is largely unregulated. Frequently, it uses an aggressive strategy, relying on large directional bets and substantial amounts of leverage. The plan is to generate significant alpha (using the Lipper Love Average as a benchmark) but it is not uncommon to see a hedge fund or a love relationship with an unsuitably low Sortino ratio, indicating that it has strayed from it’s raison d’etre. This is a hedge fund (marriage) destined for fund outflows (divorce).

There’s even a graph. Perfect to snuggle with next to the fire after your girlfriend dumps you after saying she wasn’t beating the Lipper Average.

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[Yes, I know it's a parody.]